500 Words

GUESS THEY'RE NOT PATRIOTS FANS

This ran in the electronic edition of Saturday, November 24th’s New York Post. Check out the line on the Patriots/Eagles game.

Technorati Tags: Current Affairs, Sports, Patriots, Cheating

A SONG FOR GATE D

The New York Times reported earlier this week about the crowds that surrounded the ramps leading to Gate D at Giants Stadium in the Meadowlands.

While I won’t go into detail about the incidents here, rest assured that this is old news. These things have been happening at the stadium for years during Jets games. Now that the Old Gray Lady has reported on it, this has become a nationwide story, picked up by television, radio, and print media.

Some will call it a scandal. Others will yawn and say that when your team is as bad as the Jets is, you take your entertainment where ever and whenever you can.

So, with apologies to the Beach Boys, we bring you the official song parody of the scandal, "Jets gate D":

(sung to the tune of "sloop john B")

We head over to gate D
My frat brother and me
Around the Meadowlands we did roam
Eight-buck beers all night
Looking for a bite
My team’s a joke yeah I want to go home

So walk up to gate D’s ramps
And hope to find all the tramps
Who’ll lift up their shirts
And maybe give me a bone, give me a bone
Oh please give me a bone, yeah yeah
You know my team sucks
Help me get a bone

The Pats’ HC is a skunk
Who acts like a classless punk
Taping the games, so the league gave them a fine
Tells The NFL
You can all go to hell, yeah yeah
You know their team sucks, we beat them at home

So walk up to gate D’s ramps
And hope to find all the tramps
Who’ll lift up their shirts
And maybe give me a bone, give me a bone
Won’t you give me a bone, yeah yeah
You know my team sucks Help me get a bone
(walk up to gate D’s ramps)
You know my team sucks, help me get a bone
Help me get a bone

The golf balls roll down the ramp
The quarters will get damp
We’ll pee on the kids who run and catch them all day
Find me a broad
Who’ll flash me dear gawd, yeah yeah
My team really sucks, help get me a bone

So walk up to gate D’s ramps
And hope to find all the tramps
Who’ll lift up their shirts
And maybe give me a bone, give me a bone
Oh please give me a bone, yeah yeah
You know my team sucks
Help me get a bone

Technorati Tags: Current Affairs, Music, Sports

A FAMOUS PICTURE ON YOUR WALL

When you’re looking for a way to cover that bare spot on your walls, you have many options, but if you’re looking for a unique piece of signed memorabilia for your wall (or if you just want to look like you have many famous friends), you should look no further than Memorabilia4u.com.

While this site is based in the UK, they ship worldwide and have a tremendous selection of signed memorabilia from the worlds of film, music, television, and sport. While memorabilia and autographs of stars of baseball, American football, hockey, and basketball are not as well represented -- the site’s sports section is focused towards U.K. football, golf, boxing, and other sports (where else can you find a signed Franz Klammer action shot?) -- the music and film/television sections are chock full of items from many of the most popular stars, including Bon Jovi, 50 Cent, Beyonce, Al Pacino, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Even when one takes into account the exchange rate, North American buyers will find the prices extremely competitive, especially when one considers that most of the pieces are mounted and framed. In addition, the site’s owners say that if a buyer ever has any doubt that an item purchased through them is not a true signing from the celebrity they are "more than willing" to offer a full refund upon its return. In addition, they offer a seven-day full satisfaction guarantee. In fact, on the site, the company makes the following guarantee (bold face emphasis is the site’s):

All items carry a personal, lifetime, money-back guarantee that they are genuine.

You can spend your days traveling around the world and stalking stars in the hope that they will sign a photograph or you can buy your memorabilia and autographs from a reputable dealer. If the latter appeals to you -- and it should -- check out Memorabilia4u.com .

Technorati Tags: Film, Music, Sports

SPEECHLESS

There are people whose talent is wasted. The people who do things that make you shake your head in amazement. The people to whom you wish you could bow down and genuflect at their feet.

This magnificent bastard recreated the bottom of the 10th inning of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series in RBI Baseball, using Vin Scully's call as the backing track. A click on the link will take you to the video.

I decided to re-enact Game Six of the 1986 World Series in RBI Baseball, my favorite video game of all time. Game Six is one of the most surreal, unbelievable displays of sports in history, and hopefully now that the Sox have emerged victorious in the World Series, it can be seen more as an utterly stupifying comeback, and less of a devastating choke job.

So this took a long time, and I heard more of the RBI theme music in those hours than a man ever should. But I also learned a good deal about the game. Namely these two things:

-Vin Scully is a great announcer. During the 20 minute plus bottom of the tenth, the other "color man" in the booth chimes in for about 3 different comments, one of them just being "Golly!" The difference between a run of the mill broadcaster and a hall of famer is very apparent, but I cut most of the color guy out because of time constraints.

-Secondly, the blame that Bill Buckner has taken for this loss over the years is just shockingly high compared to the Red Sox pitching staff. They are the true people who choked the game away. Obviously Buckner made a terrible error, but they put the Red Sox in an unbelievable position, one that you can't imagine any of today's modern super-closers ever ending up in.

Without further ado, here is the video: The 1986 World Series Game 6 Re-Enacted in RBI Baseball.

This guy should be working in Hollywood. Or at ESPN. Good stuff.

A MOMENT TO SAVOR

It has been very difficult to get terribly interested in the 2006 Winter Olympics. While some complain that the problem is that they cannot relate to the sports the real problem with the Olympics is the way that NBC is televising the games. Just like they have for the past decade-plus, the network does not show events live because they are more interested in ratings than they are in servicing the sports fan.

Much of the blame for this goes to Dick Ebersol, who runs NBC's Olympic coverage. He is beholden to the advertisers, not to his customers. Though Ebersol is one of the pioneers of the television medium, it seemst that he fails to understand that he would gain viewers by treating them intelligently and letting them watch events live when possible. By doing so, he could compete with the instant gratification that the Internet brings. Unfortunately, he does not trust the ability of the sport being broadcast to tell the story and instead relies on his producers to craft the tale.

This short-sighted approach to Olympic coverage robbed many sports fans of the ability to watch the 1,000 meter mens speed skating event and, more importantly, the post-race interview with gold medalist Shani Davis.

The south side of Chicago is the baddest part of town, but if you go down there you probably need not beware of man named Shani Davis, an amazing athlete who avoided immense peer pressure and channeled his talents into a sport not practiced by people in his neighborhood. He dreamt of Olympic gold and focused on the 1000.

Along the way, Davis has been guided by his mother, who hates snow because it's white, and a rift has developed between the skater and other members of the U.S. team. This rift came to a head earlier in the week when Davis turned down the opportunity to skate in a relay for the U.S. team -- a decision that other members of the U.S. team believed cost them a team medal in the event. (U.S. gold medalist Chad Hendrick was especially vocal about the decision.)

Some will argue that Davis should have raced, since he is a member of the team, but those people clearly were not in his skates. Davis trained his entire life for the 1000 and should not have been asked to split his focus on a team event.

Regardless, after the race Saturday, Hendrick was asked about Davis' win and replied that he was happy for Joey Cheek  (who placed silver in the 1000), but didn't mention Davis at all.

Then came the magic moment. NBC reporter Melissa Stark attempted to conduct a post-race interview with Davis. Those watching might have suspected trouble from the outset based on Davis' demeanor. He couldn't have looked any more uncomfortable if David Duke had been the interviewer.

Stark attempted to elicit his feelings on the victory, but question after question was answered with one or two terse words. At one point, Stark asked him if he was angry. With a frown on his face, he replied robotically that he was very happy.

As the seconds elapsed, this flaming train wreck evolved and was unbelievably compelling. Unfortunately, it was shown not when it occurred, but rather, after 11:00 pm on a Saturday night.

Another magic moment at the 2006 Olympics.

Note: When I get access to the interview video, I will post it.